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nemonimity

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blog [Jun. 19th, 2008|09:19 am]
nemonimity
I decided to leave the construct behind and start my own blog using one of my damned lounge-about domains.

www.blanketscrutiny.com

check it out.
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Update [Jan. 17th, 2006|04:10 pm]
nemonimity
This is taken from myspace.


Projekt animal planet is my plan to take over the world, more or less ow I will win the game. The Game is the simulation, and you win the game by taking your simulacra and imposing it apon the simulation. A few of those who have "won" the game are good and a few are bad, heres a brief list, Einstein, Alkexander the Great, Cleopatra, Joan of Arc, DaVinci, Harriet Tubman, Newton, Tupac, Kurt Cobain, Jesus, Ghandi, Zarathustra etc. Great Men and Woman who have changed the world. I didnt mention Hitler or mousilini, or Lenin or a bunch of others, fucking sue me. Anyhow... The tie that binds the existants at hand are the all forced a change in the Simulation through imposition of there simulacras. I will do the same.

Now to begin with:

My current Life and habits.
Currently I spend the majority of time in my cave. While i do chat with People on line, I rarely venture anywhere outside of downtown martinez. Every thing i need is locally located. The majority of my time is at work or Commuting. As of Right Now my official title is network technician, as I maintain the network. My job duties also intale these following things which are make up the majority of my tasks. We are developing an app for the Construction community. IT has both on and off line interfaces as well as compatability with most major DataBases. I script the program as well as build new, cleaner, and better solutions to functions already concieved and yet to be so. At the same time I am building the web based version of the program wich interfaces directly with the databases we will host containing all of our clients data. Along with the web base i am designing a universal version programed in Java that will be targeted at mobile phones. The End goal is to have the Entire app rebuilt in Java thus allowing for cross plaltform functionality. (i.e. Windows, Mac OsX, Linux, Unix, PDA, Cell Phone etc.) When We launch the Application under the new company, I will be Senior Developer. And techinically 3rd in the new company. As far as my personal Life it as always is personal. I am content in my position, I am kept Busy, although I detest coding, it's a means too an end, and a worthwhile and lucretive beginning, i am in the beginning stages of adventuring I have vacation time and can do work mobilely so i have begun a list of every place i need to explore and plan on making my first visit New Zealand Next Winter (it will be summer there). I have established some good repoirs and relationships over the past six months and am now making a mad dash for position in the coming age of awareness.

Now as far as the Plan. The plan is to usurp the controlling factions of them currently positioned at the top of the world power structure, and replace them with members of the us who are as we speak coming to realizations in there own countries. The goal is to re-establish the human race with the more advanced and "evolved", "Us" of each territory. As many of you know or which many of you might not know based on observations of current technology and stagnation within the ranks of the older generations as well as a portion of the younger generations abilities to percieve, concieve and ultimitaly understand reality, i believe there is a split in the current incarnation of humanity. OCD, Schizophrenia, ADD, ADHD, etc. all continue in a set defined direction, base changes to the human psyche, and the brains abilities to process and recieve information. We are more evolved then those who came before us. This is just natural truth, but the devide is becoming so large that it is inhibiting the grrowth of us as a civilization. To end it we have to take control, so i came up with a plan being there we'rent any plans that were good enough for me. It does hinge on a flying boat, but moreso it is dependant on the technologies required to build said ship. Believe it or not we have the technology to build things such as this. We do not however have systems in place to handle such freedoms and responsibilities. Children in mentality compared to us, are using bits of these technologies to control the ramainder of humanity. This has to be stopped for the mear fact that given enough time a child with a gun will shoot something. Before the world governments have a chance to instill total control an dominance over creativity challenges and ideas it has to be stopped. In any case, once again, My plan is to use my current position as well as several other tenticles we have begun to build to capture and secure the following things. The Us,(as many people all over the world that understand and care enough to make the changes needed), Capitol (we need money to build and perfect the technologies out side a business envirolment ) and three enoguh control over our shared simulacra to impose it inways not yet concieved and understood. We after all are the dreamers, and what we dream we shall see. Dreams and mentality as well as outlook and perception are key to changing your simulacra for the better. Think outside the box for long enough and eventually there won't be one. So Right now i am just past the starting gates and running down the field full tilt.

So there you have it my current state of mental and spiritual acquity, Im sure there is more to be glimmered from my words. But I cant read my own words like that and who knows what i might find in myself. So Crazy still?:check....Genius?:Check........Lazy?: when i can afford to be :(

Ah well everything requires some sacrifice.

Have fun Us

Ken
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there is sound before silence [Aug. 29th, 2005|07:58 pm]
nemonimity
Well starting my 4th week at my new job and everything is going well, my bosses like me theres plenty to do, im challenged every day, and i get to be creative. Not bad for a persona lacking in reason and understanding ,no? ok so i have both those things but im still crazy right? Any way i get to fly out to Philly in a month to set up our new office there. VB-east, our east coast department. Should be cool new office new people, ive never been to philly before. And a bunch of brand new computers and configurations to play with, along with VPN and server synchronizations. ^.^ so sweet. But yes my job is wonderful. I was worried at first but im sliding into my position now and getting use to my place. I probly wont be going to Disney land in october as i origonally thought but hey, work is work and ill be making good money and lee way. Not only do we have VB east opening up but were also getting a new office in sacramento wich leaves me with a large play ground. All mine, its so weird, like sitting at TNL i began to doubt what i was worth and what my skill level was. I forgot i learn what i need to quickly and like working overtime and getting things done. I like being lazy too though so what ever..

Ahh the joys of the end of a song
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fear [Aug. 1st, 2005|06:00 pm]
nemonimity
[mood |nervousnervous]
[music |Elliott Smith XO]

So i've been getting into Elliott Smith recently we listened to him on the way back from the cabin and he is nuts. His music is happy, his lyrics are depressin and the combination is just excellent. But thats not why im posting. Just letting out some of my anxieties, start a new job tomarrow in San Carlos. Gotta impress the execs and let them know i mean business and im an asset if i can do this ill have it made. But still nerves and such, it's scary been quite a while since i've been in a pure corprate envirolment. It worries me to say the least, im odd and it seems its been getting harder and harder for me to hide the fact though im always trying. At least to be presentable to the outside world. Take me as i am, is true enough, but one of the great failings of this world is the neccesity to fit in. The geniuses as there called by todays crowds are not. There just ultra trendy in the past the greats were out casts, now there the epitome of what they think we should be, idols and poster children. But im rambling wish me luck. I need a change me thinks.
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away from people [Jul. 30th, 2005|08:35 pm]
nemonimity
[mood |happyhappy]
[music |Spacehog - In the Meantime]

So went to bear valley last night its about 157 miles back east. Beutiful country. Erics cousin eathen has a very nice cabin up there. Very nice its red wood, three sories tall has a sauna, a lake not 10 min walk away, and snow mobiles though, there was no snow but it was very cool. Its elevation is approx 7,350 feet why up in clean aired goodness. It almost pains me to go out to such places because i dont want to come back. I just want to spend my days exploring and searching and communing with all that exists outside of ou humanistic imperfect world. Big problem for that place though was everyone was rich. the vibe was strange its hard to be stuck up when everything natural around you dwarfs all you could ever do. Mountains lakes, trees, rocks, the sky.. The sky now that was amazing, at night there were stars billions apon billions, i could see the spiral arm, and planets and saw at least 4 shooting stars, it was infinite, and so much like a roof that sat just a couple more miles above with holes cut in it straining light from unknown sources. I could be lost in it foreverr given the chance. Id gladly take it too. Life is an adventure, ups , downs, old new, back forth, red blue. All diffrent experiances culminating to an advanced copy of something thats alreaady happened. The world seems much more real the farther you get from civilisation. Maybe our global contiousness is really just us dreaming of something less real, and our cities and goals are monuments to that.

All said it was awsome, i love being free. Me and barry came back this afternoon because we both had stuff to do, we had an awsome conversation on the way back revolving around life and what we cant see. So it was heavy handed and quite refreshing. We stopped in angels camp for some ice cream but settled for iced coffe instead, we stood by the post office smoking ciggerettes drinking our coffee and watching the townsfolk meander about. They have a frog walk of fame, bronze insets in the sidewalk telling the legends of the frogs wich one the annual calaveras frog jumping contest for the last 100 odd years. I like this town. Even saw a cute girl window shopping with her mother, who stopped to pat a large frog statue on the head, that was sexy. I have odd taste in woman no doubt, there wasnt even anything extrodinary about this girl, asthetically, but like us all she had something. I tried to make eye contact to see what she was but she diverted her eyes when she looked and saw me looking at her. Theres always something there, but its amazing how sometimes we can see more then whats apparant. I wish she wouldnt have been with her mom. Hitting on girls while there parents are present is a bit disturbing. At least to me. Any way fun trip good times and its only saturday night. Lets see if we can get any legends to write themselves by monday.
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ah the pleasures of assurance [Jul. 22nd, 2005|04:11 pm]
nemonimity
To be fair, i am just a guy, like anyone else no better no worse at base. Yet i think do a good job setting myself apart, from other guys. This all comes down to choices though. We are who we are at heart and its our choices not our hearts that define us. We choose one thing over the others and thats the legacies we leave behind after were gone. I am a fool, whole heartedly i admit that. It's a fools quest to change the world, it's a fools quest, to fight loosing battles, it's a fools life to live on ideals and dreams alone. As you all know i have made alot of descisions in my life that have left me more broken then when i started, jobs, drugs, woman and pasttimes. I cling to things wich have little relevence to the curretn institution of time. But at least i can honestly say that. I went and saw a movie with friends last night we had 3 extra tickets unfotunatly we found or knew most people were busy. It was the sneak peek of the island, i hate corprate ideology and business pushing but besides that the movie was very cool. Go see it oyu might enjoy it.

But getting back to my point for this day. Im a fool, i had a great time being out with my friends even if it was in walnut creek was a blast, but it annoys me to no end that even when im rechable some people dont want to tap me on the back. We all need to reach out and tap some one once in a while to remind them that we can see them. complications arise and im bad at this alot of the time but, its important to know that were still around and we havent dissapeared off the planet. so in closing i have a cell phone now its a work number but its a means for contacting me so if you ever need something give me a ring or drop me a message. 650-444-0642 you should have my aim or email if not zero0tempty, snwexew@yahoo.com
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happiness is a warm gun [Jul. 15th, 2005|02:45 pm]
nemonimity
[mood |weirdweird]

so been a while since i updated, havent really had anything i wish to share, or more to the point whatever i did feel i needed to share was to private to share here. But i got a new job at venture builders, there an up scale contracting firm out of san carlos and SF, im gonne be managing some data bases and doing IT work, im nervous but at the same time relieved im gonna be joining the real world as far as jobs go. Corprate whore is me ;). Suits, ties, networking, bennies cell phones buisness dinners, its a bit scary to say the least.. But i want to do what i want to do, and this gives me the edge in more ways then one.

As for home life, cant complain, im broke bills are piling up, things are crazy as always. I've been being kinda lazy since i stopped working at tnl, they still owe me for 4 hours worth of work and i was told theyd be giving me the money angelo owed me for back pay specifically commision but i havent seen the new owners do anything they said they were going to. but enough of that hell whole.

All in all i think things are going well. I believe im where i should be and am learning some good lessons on patience. high five
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(no subject) [Jul. 9th, 2005|03:54 pm]
nemonimity
And here's to you, mrs. robinson
Jesus loves you more than you will know (wo, wo, wo)
God bless you please, mrs. robinson
Heaven holds a place for those who pray
(hey, hey, hey...hey, hey, hey)

We'd like to know a little bit about you for our files
We'd like to help you learn to help yourself
Look around you, all you see are sympathetic eyes
Stroll around the grounds until you feel at home

And here's to you, mrs. robinson
Jesus loves you more than you will know (wo, wo, wo)
God bless you please, mrs. robinson
Heaven holds a place for those who pray
(hey, hey, hey...hey, hey, hey)

Hide it in a hiding place where no one ever goes
Put it in your pantry with your cupcakes
It's a little secret, just the robinsons' affair
Most of all, you've got to hide it from the kids

Coo, coo, ca-choo, mrs robinson
Jesus loves you more than you will know (wo, wo, wo)
God bless you please, mrs. robinson
Heaven holds a place for those who pray
(hey, hey, hey...hey, hey, hey)

Sitting on a sofa on a sunday afternoon
Going to the candidates debate
Laugh about it, shout about it
When you've got to choose
Ev'ry way you look at it, you lose

Where have you gone, joe dimaggio
A nation turns its lonely eyes to you (woo, woo, woo)
What's that you say, mrs. robinson
Joltin' joe has left and gone away
(hey, hey, hey...hey, hey, hey)
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time keeps on slippin slippin slippin, [Jul. 5th, 2005|04:06 pm]
nemonimity
[mood |contentcontent]

you know whats rather refreshing? life slapping you in the face with your own morality. True getting slapped is kinda crappy, unless your into that sort of thing, and of course in the proper setting...but any way, i have my ideal way of things going like we all do, we don't usually count on it and with good reason, because it never happens. All the dreaming in the world, and were usually just left with our dreams. But dreams are important, they do propel us forward, they give us something to strive for and something to hope for. But I've talked about that before and will im sure again. But too the point I don't work with many people sure i can get along with most people, i don't show and don't get out often but i can forgot my instincts and attack manurisms for a awhile, enough at least to get by in the social climates. But as far as friends and significant others, it takes weird complex and honorable people. My friends are good people, I love them and trust them. And this briings up a good point, it's not like I just instantly trusted them or got along with them, it took time. You learn peopls quirks, you see them at there worst and best, and you learn to actually communicate in more ways then one, and that builds a strong relationship. True enough unless i just get some super strong evil vibe i give people the benefit of the doubt. There good people until they prove other wise. But we cant just leap off the cliff and expect to fly, sure it feels like your flying at first but then you realise the ground is coming on alot faster then you realised, not everything has air brakes, most of the time when we do stuff like that we hit the ground hard. Thankfully sometimes, someone steps in and slaps us back onto hte cliff, and gives us plans and materials for an ultra light, (which i may point out weighs less then 500 lbs making it under the weight requirement for aircraft and making it legal to fly nearly anywhere without a liscense), then we get to check out the view once more see where we wanna go and use whats there to do it. Sure Building a glider takes more time then flinging your self off a cliff, but the chances of flying are much better with a glider then without.
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incongruent lines [Jul. 1st, 2005|03:35 pm]
nemonimity
skjldaoh eahphgh goghgh gg hghsoh ahghgharghrrgaihgohrgghsghspdg;glhaggh ogh ihgas;hghghhghshghd osighaghihg;sgh gi hsgiohsgh osghsdg nfgs hgoiagh egnsgng g gh isheggirh ig oi gaggsgioesg; sg og io goisgi osg isg ihgosocnging sg;isioisgoih iso gosgg sgsog ggh ghgs igios oh hs gh shg oishgorhsg sgshsgish g;aseoggwoahohgehawehg gaw hgohogoghg agg iohagogaghia gig ha ogiiowagirgagi aoigio iaegig oiaegoghg iag igio ghoi giahgoih oigoh aigi oghegoh gegiioeg sgsgog g eoigh gg siog ge ogoaegawgh ppagh o hgo ghiohaiohgisoi ghoiho iahwioh gsgeh hgiheghw iih gihsi hgheg[h[ag hs[agheg [sigiodhgis hisghihsgihsihg id gihsgih sigheh g0hegihhssdg sgh sid gihsg0shg 9g 9hgehg hhosdgiohg oshdghsgg shgs oh gsghsgo g hwhehgshdg shghgh8ewg8h s dh ghs gghsohosh shgsogh peh sgh shg seghpsgshgpshga[eeg [w h g hg9ishghsdigig iisghghwghh gh sdig h gh90sgh hg9hsgdsg h ig i sodg hsghgeh99sg shg sdgshd9 sdg9hsd hg9 s9g9s g9hgdgisd sg9g9eg s9dsgshg sigsgih sghiosdgi 9sgsd gig sdhg sh g sodgogsogh s ghohghehsidg[sgs sih sdgi shisdhgh ssdgi hihgish dgehge8hsg ssghd iosg9eghghsdihihsg hsgosdih sdisiodg idghs odi sdhg iodh si hssdgih sisdgihhdg sdhgihisd sodish ioshg0ehs oeiwhihsd sdioshio[sg sdo sh s d hweihshihs dihis dgihioheihs ihsdh sgisdiiegoishsdo sdio hihoghhehsoi aakfop a nsf kj ns ....

that makes no sense, true. But if you dont try you cant succeed so at least im good at not making sense.
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Blizzo [Jun. 21st, 2005|04:23 pm]
nemonimity
Well long time no post and noone else on my friends list seems to be postin so here i go.

Ive got a new job i start the first its gonna involve database administration which is cool it should pay well and its with and established company so benefits and a cell phone and all that jazz is to be had. Its nice to be returning to the fabric of "real" jobs. Well good paying none retail any way. I wasted so much time at TNL, listening to the people that were supposed to be running it hearning them bicker and tell me all kinds of crap, and from what ive sen the new owners are no better, they havent done a single thing they said they were going to. Just more smoke up the ass to get some money. I really hate that. I would have jumped ship along time ago if id had known they werent going to sell it to me. 1000 bux a month 200 less, i might add then what i was told id be making, is too little not too mention, all the commision i never got. Uhg garbage.

Anyway, im just learning the new app i need and spending time with my girlfriend :).

ok i guess thats it.
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lookin out [Jun. 13th, 2005|04:42 pm]
nemonimity
As always imt eetering on a log. back and forth back and forth. Ive really grown to abhore relying on people, for the most part i think just because i don't trust anyone. I can only trust people to be themselves which makes it hard when your still getting to know someone. I dont talk to anyone personally the closest ive come i think is tlaking to barry, late at night when everyone elses is passed out. I realise i do alot of damage as i go from begiing on. I dont know why but sabotage comes to mind. Its rediculouse really. I worry too much most definatly and never about the right stuff. I never thought that i wouldnt be buying tnl i had fifty thousand dollers, that kinda made me think i could do anything, but it still comes down to what people want not just me. Its lies buisness is a farce. So bloody annoying. I want to do things with my girlfriend. Were both broke wich makes it hard, but the goal is to spend time with eachother as stated by some one doing something, you guage your quality of life not by what you do but who you do it with. Going to the store standing on a conrner yelling. this is stuff to do not delightfully wonderful stuff but stuff, going for walks. visiting other friends its all stuff to do that requires little to know money yet we can never think of anything to do, so she comes over for a while while its always good to see her this stupid wall of nothing is kinda floating there dont know why. Semmes to me anything can be entertaining from running errands to chasing squirals. Its also summer wich means better weather and out door activities but it also means heat and weariness. I know spending time with someone shouldnt be a chore but what do you do to get around it? And why is it for the most part im so quiet i used to talk up a storm but now i get cutt off, ignored or some other BS doesnt make me feel like talking ill tell you that. GAHH, this summer is promosing to be strange.

Ken
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15:49 sunday [Jun. 5th, 2005|03:49 pm]
nemonimity
sleep is almost as good as water
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stress [Jun. 5th, 2005|06:23 am]
nemonimity
its 6:30 am on sunday i have yet to sleep, and im stressed. i hate not having anyone to talk to. i hate being fucking alone, i hate being the older child i hate taking things on peoples word only to find out i was being lied to. I have this great dynamic with my parents where im not part of their lives so they dont need to worry about me then they get ahold of me to check up more then anything to make them selves feel better about the bullshit way they raised me. I hate other people knowing my buisness. Lifes hard i fucking deal. There should be no reason why others get to discuss my life and i dont get anyone to discuss it with. I hate having OCD i hate being a manic depressive. I hate being up all night i hate not having energy. I hate being a fucking hermit. I need a serious vaation from crap. I hate worying . I hate alot of things at 6:30 in the am.I hate the fact i had $50,000 wating to buy my own store, and now i cant even buy a soda if i wanted too. waht the fuck am i missing?????

You cant depend on people, love them, make them happy take there advice butnever depend on anyone because you cant. when it comes down to it were all alone. and we delude ourselves into believing that somehow we wont be but it always goes back to the fact taht theres no one to depend on but your self. If i had one wish it would be to be dumb and happy, have no idea things arent wonderful, eating shit and calling it pizza. Selfpity is horrible if i could remove it from me id use a fucking rusty knife. God i hate today.
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random [May. 31st, 2005|12:14 pm]
nemonimity
ok i saw chrissies thing and i decided to give it a try then i decided to keep it because i am Auratus Rex the killer frog king


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the sound of silence [May. 22nd, 2005|10:52 pm]
nemonimity
[mood |distresseddistressed]
[music |the sound of silence]

For the most part we walk alone through life our experiances are ours, and ours alone. Its understandable then thattrying to convey them is near impossible. To know you must experiance. There are alot of things that i am very greatful that i cant experiance. The things i can i try to take to heart and learn the lessons i shoulld from them but still, who the hell can say what we're supposed to learn. I cant say what should be or how it hsould be i can only say how it looks to me. I hate the fact i cant know everything and hate it eaven more i cant convey that honesslty or well enough. I dont know what i should know or what i shouldn't but it means alot to me when im told. From the siplest this is my real plan to the hardest i dont know how to say this. When i need to think i wander. I dont have anyone to talk to many of my friends have offered but im uncomfortable with that. I dont know why. Its strange to me to even have access to something like taht. I am confused as very often i am. Is a call a call? Is a drive just a drive? what happens when somebody loses something you didnt know was there? I dont know. I hate not knowing.



A nice epitaph i read once was 'love many, trust few, and always paddle your own canoe'.

As ive stated before im rather retarded sometimes.
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if i had a hammer.. [May. 18th, 2005|12:33 pm]
nemonimity
crud. am i boring? Do i care? the answer to that is a resounding no. or use to be i talk about what i talk about and do what i like. I've never really cared weather i was boring or not and dont even know if ive ever seriously contomplated it. But now i find my self feeling i am.. I cant explain why and it annoys me to no end. I dont go out to bars (except more upscale ones or bars so crappy no more then 4 people are ever there). I moste definatly dont go clubbing (me at a club is like a harpseal in texas). I like haging out with friends i enjoy parties though ther more laid back the better. I like chaos ninja missions and things we cant ever talk about are cool. I like running around in the rain catching frogs. And i enjoy walking for miles in the forest. I like swimming.

Id ont like worrying about trivial things like this. Who cares if im boring? i enjoy myself, and i know others do. Holding yourself up to your own expectations is hard enough, without wondering weather you meat someone elses taht might not exist.
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tumdrugery [May. 7th, 2005|03:06 pm]
nemonimity
[mood |pensivepensive]
[music |derric and the Dominos]

Who's gonna tell you when,
It's too late,
Who's gonna tell you things,
Aren't so great.

You cant go on, thinkin',
Nothings' wrong, but bye,
Who's gonna drive you home
Tonight?

Who's gonna pick you up
When you fall?
Who's gonna hang it up
When you call?
Who's gonna pay attention
To your dreams?
And who's gonna plug their ears
When you scream?

You can't go on, thinkin'
Nothings wrong, but bye,
Who's gonna drive you home, tonight?

(Who's gonna drive you)
Who's gonna drive you home, tonight?
(Who's gonna drive you home)

(bye baby)
(bye baby)
(bye baby)
(bye baby)

Who's gonna hold you down
When you shake?
Who's gonna come around
When you break?

You can't go on, thinkin',
Nothin's wrong, but bye,
(who's gonna drive you)
(who's gonna drive you)
Who's gonna drive you home, tonight?
(who's gonna drive you home)

Oh, you know you can't go on, thinkin',
Nothin's wrong,
(who's gonna drive you)
(who's gonna drive you home)
Who's gonna drive you home, tonight?

(Bye baby)
(Bye baby)
(Bye baby)


Im on a cars kick right now. the cars rock. I have been at a loss for things to write about recently and havent been properly indulging my creative side. I miss writing but the stories im trying to formulate exist as something a bit different from what im used to. I was challenged a while ago to write a story with a female as the lead a heroine as apposedto the standered females ive written before. Standeredly i write them pretty 2 dimensionally. But i dont like the second dimension not enough deapth. Id prefer to write more fourth dimensionally but describing in such terms require the admitence of the falsatie known as time. Horrible really. But id like to do it and see where i go, i began writing a story about a young girls life a while ago but left it by the way side. Id like to begin writing it again but i think i need more inspiration. That or more Ghibli movies (there the guys that did Princess Mononoke, and Kiki's delivery service).

Either way i need to start writing again. And i need to find a better paying job, i cant afford to be off for a month while we do construction. If we have to ill have to get another job my mom sent me a job starting at 17 an hr thats basic techsupport in a call center. Sounds pretty sweet. Im gonna launch my resume at them and see what happens.

I hate money, and one of my main reasonings for not being more, aggressive in finding a mate other then the fact that im weird and fairly neuratic is lack of funds. Woman are expensive and while i might be ok with doing nothing or just spending my days dreaming painting and writing there must be more done. And i need to stop watching SG1 its as bad as WOW.

Till next timeor the time after that
Ken (a.k.a. the Ocean, Nemo, Kenji the Great)
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updates r 4 loozµrs [Mar. 24th, 2005|02:58 pm]
nemonimity
soooooo updatin the old journal...

Nothin really exceptional going on at least nothing id like to share. Im bored would like something more to do. Gonna get my buisness, anyone got a 50,000 loan they wanna give me????????


God I might have to find a new job its very possible, i know more then likly ill have to find a new place to live.. ah well ill post more tonight at home when i have the a more secluded less bothersome surrounding.
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quantum states [Mar. 20th, 2005|12:24 pm]
nemonimity
[mood |contemplativecontemplative]
[music |Led Zepplin - Over the Hill]

so if i vibrate at the right frequency, like if theres some super pure cosmic song, we could occupy the same space and time.

tahts so cool


water molecules that come apart when pounded by the proper frequency can get hotter then the surface of the sun.

music can define reality.

makes yah think.
or not.
i did.
who cares what you think if you dont think.
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time may change me [Mar. 19th, 2005|04:49 pm]
nemonimity
[mood |something good]
[music |offspring - Selfesteem]

i found this poem again i like it its about the ocean


i tumbeldinto the see
deep beneath the waves
all the wter displaced me
all i could sea were my dreams
the black and white water
with the tide slowly took me
thru a whole in my reef
the rock cept comin while
the water did break me
i knew i couldnt go on
lost to the masses
as i drowned in the ocean song

i am the sea,
the bluest ocean is the shallowest partof me
with all the water im free
free to flood the world while the people all sing to me

oh land where did you go
the water erased
the water displaced you
all we want is our homes
all our little trinkets
and the bits of our earthen stones
i knew i couldnt go on
lost to the masses
as i drowned in the ocean song

i am the sea,
the bluest ocean is the shallowest partof me
with all the water im free
free to flood the world while the people all sing to me

once apon a time
man invented rhyme
he sang of the mountains misdeed
he rose up to eclipse the sea
and the ocean started to swell
and as the land masses laughed
they split in half
and all the water
attacked the sand
it split the rock and created the wind
as the ocean startd to swell

i am the sea,
the bluest ocean is the shallowest partof me
with all the water im free
free to flood the world while the people all sing to me

every one sing along
the islands keep movin
htey go to where they belong
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strangers in the night [Mar. 16th, 2005|05:18 pm]
nemonimity
[mood |clear]
[music |i dont know]

The absolute worst thing ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever everevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverevereverever in thee wwhole world is the inactions of good people. There are alot of good people but we're lured into complacentcy. never be afraid to lend a hand, sure people might get pissed people are proud, but so the fuck waht the worst they can do is say i dont want your help, and they might be lying so its worth a try anyway.

the y chromosome is aparently i shaved away x chromosome and the reason men have so many problams as apoosed to woman is the majority of the genetic code is kept on the x chrom and woman have 2 to work with where as men have 1.3 or some crap. fucking evolution.

Ken
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let me go back [Mar. 15th, 2005|02:37 pm]
nemonimity
Boredom, i am bored. am i not? no, i am. so i sit and let my mind wander away from me to other parts of being. what to think on today i think to my self. I write taht i write, that im writing that i write write, right? wrong i think, i write something else. But what is else? i think it is nothing, but an exscuse. One that i use lots. something else entirely i think, i dont know but i say anyway.
I had a dream last night that i went to the city at the end of the world. It was weird every one was rich except for those i was with. but we were happy. I watched two people who were my friends though i dont know them in RL fall in love and it was amazing he stole some weeird deep fried food thing from the table and gave it too her. we existed at the same time in there wworld but the color of we was different from the color of they. We lived in a small crappy cement something with no adronments or nothing else. Im not even sure i was real but i was with them as the existed. i had a life but it was different. But the world was fantastic. Free ways which all led to the same place, every one going different speeds but all headed the same direction. it was unbelieveable. i came by way of cheating, before it was my time to get there i think, or maybe i was a little late, either way, it amazed me everything, i had flags from every nation and people ever and i was to sell them to make up for my late or early arrival, i snuck in and lived a great life within this city, everything was in gold, or black and white tinted with golden light but me and my friends had color and we were smaller then all others. It was strange, it all revolved around there love and it made me happy that they did love eachother because i loved them both. And im still not sure if i was real, well i was there but more like i was there merly to watch and be a record of the things that transpired. but the party was un imaginable, and at some point i lost the flags i was supposed to sell, but it was ok becuase i did what i was supposed to with them, though i dont know what it was, but the city at the end of the world is where i think i should be. where i think im headed, any one want to go for a ride?

As i expand for those who read, im reminded that all my dreams of late have been relating to the end in some way, an end to this an end to that, change is coming again. I miss change ive begun to do so again recently and its refreshing but i never change minisculy i change more or less, greatly. Oh my friends, what the hell is one to do? i cant remember. I used to know, but i cant remember really. I miss this city which i dreamed of. I miss that life. Im bored, i need adventures and i need a girl to go with me. Hopefully in one year i will have my boat then i will go on a ggreat journey. I need to find the others. And those two i saw in my dream, i want to watch them fall in love again. That made me happy.


Ken
nemonimity
the Ocean
Kenji the Great
Kenny
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im sorry [Mar. 6th, 2005|01:49 pm]
nemonimity
[mood |im sorry]

i thought i lost a dear friend today and the sad part is i dont even think he knows that i feel taht way, i dont want to loose you guys if it wasnt for you guys i wouldnt want to save the world i wouldnt even have a place in it i m horrible at getting close to people i wont let my self and its compleete bullshit i do it to protect my feeling or wahtever unjustifiable reason i come up with, it bullshit i work i sleep and i selfishly dream, i dont want to sleep anymore, i dont want to lie in wait i dont want to not be there if something like this is going on, im sorry im so so sorry, i dont know how tosay it any other way i cant even fucking cry its bullshit please please forgive me for not jsut checking to see how your doing at the very very least i do care and im sorry that i havent been there my ohone number is 925.957.0790 my work number is 925.405.1500 my aim is zero0tempty message me call me send me mail i dont care i dont want us to end up like that were better then that. i havent been ther but my god i will be anytime anyplace you guys need me your the reason im here your the reason i have a palce in this fucked up world im not willing to loose you guys im sorry sorry ill contact you better yet i dont know well fucking sit around on a fucking hill getting drunk i dont care i need you guys and im sorry i havent been there

im sorry
Ken
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tests [Feb. 23rd, 2005|11:10 pm]
nemonimity
[mood |stars]
[music |run around - Blues Travler]

okokokokokok im well aware that the tests i put you guys through are ludicris at best. I dont understand it and most of the time they arent fair at all. Im sorry, i do it because i dont know what else to do. Now i have spilled some pretty big bs on people, and have no doubt ill do it further into the future too. Im posting this because to day i gave some one a pretty fucked up test. I dont actually know what the result was but i know she passed and that amazes me.

I give people tests based on what they can handle, i say things based on how i think they will take them or how i think they should. It weeds out the weak. But i also do it so i dont neccesarily have to deal with some folks. If they cant take it then its over, and i dont have to invest anything more into the relationship. If you asked someone to tell you something you think theyd never answer just so that when they didnt answer you could be like HAHA YOU LOSE, and then they give you a better answer then you thought they could its annoying and very nice at the same time.

I enjoy people beating my expectations cuz there ludicrisly high from what i can tell, but theres still more. Im a fractal, and i go on into infinity, theres still alot more bs to go through. But im rooting for her.
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fire and ice [Feb. 14th, 2005|04:32 pm]
nemonimity
[mood |happyhappy]
[music |Radiohead - Karma Police]

its always raining in my head,
i love the smell of it,
the rain washes the smell away,
but its there again the next day,
the smell is a friend of mine,
its the only smell i remember,
but the water washes it all away,
so i have to wait again,
you can kind of let the rain dry up,
and it will for at least a time,
but without the rain to block it out,
the sunny days lack there sunniness,
i like the rain inside my head,
im water logged and kind of soggy,
but it will stop when i goto sleep,
and it will be there again the next mornin.
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song and dance [Feb. 8th, 2005|09:59 pm]
nemonimity
[mood |blue like velvet]
[music |this]

new song


please remember me
when i blow myself up
cus i cant stop combustin
over all the things i done

id like to think im something
but im really not sure what
i think im gettin too damn loud
i need to shut me up

i can say im sorry
and i could appologize
i could be a man you see
and wipe your sweet tears dry
i could be a hero
and kiss your poor lips shut
but i would rather fuck it all
and blow my dumb ass up

if im here tomarrow
im not sure you could see
everything ive done too you
because you so love me

and so instead im matchin
this match to dynomite
im headin up to god girl
on fireball tonight

i can say im sorry
and i could appologize
i could be a man you see
and wipe your sweet tears dry
i could be a hero
and kiss your poor lips shut
but i would rather fuck it all
and blow my dumb ass up
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My biggest fear [Feb. 5th, 2005|06:51 am]
nemonimity
[mood |TIRED]
[music |Undone the sweater song.]

My biggest fear is being locked up. I know what i know but i dont know why i know it. I've never been able to over come the fear that if i am pure me then i will be locked up for being crazy. Notlike im violent or anything but lets be honest, Im fucking eccentric and weird as hell, or at least different as hell. I may know peoplebut it's in that knowledge that my fears are manifest. I think differently then the world at large, im old fashioned and far before my time. I really quite terrified of people because those who would be normal are to alien for me to understand. Theres alot of weird people out here (in the world), but we're a timid folk we dont speak up for fear of pursicution, we dont act out our feelings in hopes we will be able to at least pass as somewhat normal. I am a frog. I have and always will be one. in a land of sheep there isnt alot a frog can do. But we do make a lot of noise especially enmass. For someone as stuburnly different as i am, i sure do worry about being accepted alot. We all do i know. But it drives me nuts. (Yarr!) One of the hardest things about OCD is the constant bombardment of the same idea, bringing about the same worries and hopes that came before regardless of where things went. I need to write a book.
Chicks may dig guys in bands, but a wordsmith can melt even the iciest female heart.



Ken
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Waiting [Jan. 26th, 2005|12:04 pm]
nemonimity
[mood |contentcontent]
[music |Gimme shelter]

How long is too long to wait? I mean we have all the time in the world since time isnt real, but how long can you wait for something? Or actually now that i think about it waiting isn't really a big thing. It just means more cause before effect wich is definatly ok especially if it's the effect you want. My live journals are alll about the same thing more or less. Wich is fine but i think im gonna start taking it all down and put it in a book. The Tao of Ken or Kenjinomicon or Nemonomicon, Gremoire Arkenum, i dont know but it will be by me and make little in comprehensive works. Maybe ill call it, Book. that would be a good title Book....



Shelter from the storm is one of my favorite songs ever.
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Recess [Jan. 21st, 2005|04:45 pm]
nemonimity
[mood |confusedconfused]
[music |Happiness is a warm gun]

Ok, you ever not have any idea what happened? I mean, have you ever tried something and gotten no results?
When you do something in an experiment or something of that nature you get to see what happens, but with the interaction of people sometimes you get nothing. Although of course a non response in human interaction usually means non-interest. It's still annoying with no feed back. I kinda wish people were open and excepting enough to A. be like ok this is what bothered/put me off and B. except the critisism and learn and grow from it. I'm trying to do the latter but without critacism its hard to know what works and what doesn't. Now i am stand-offish and have been told by many females i seem unaprochable, but i have no idea why and no one has been able to describe what makes me that way. All i know is when i do find a girl i'd be interested in getting to know, i usually somehow fuck it up. It's annoying at the very least. I'm a nice guy. Im intelligent. Somewhat attractive physically. Adn i can be funny. But it seems as though i can only convey these traits when i know the person. So what would be the best way for me to communicate interest?
A friend ill call....Terry Buttle.. suggested i try writing a letter. I seem to be skilled in this (not spelling or punctuation of course). Yet on a 4th draft i notice my spread spectrum of thought inhibits my writing potential especially if i feel self contious. So how do i write on here bearing most of my actual feelings and thoughts. Quite frankly i dont care if some people i dont know think im nuts. And those of you i do know, know im nuts... Nuts is something you sink into though, you cant rush it. To be completly up-front and nutty, is something not everyone can handle. So maybe the person doesn't want to know someone whos nuts. Ok not nuts but eccentrically-diversified. If i were nuts i might be dangerous. Who knows.

Any way the point i think im trying to make is that, i am confused. On one hand there is ample reasons to just say whatever, and forget about it. But what about the hard to get thing. There are many, many girls who prefer to be pursued. What if the person is like me, expects things to be a certain way. The dream that we want. Some people in life get it, and some people don't. But what if this dream is something, i am breaking by not doing what i'd love to do.

the insane thing is in my mind i have no question as to my purpose, who i am, or what i can do. But in relationships with the opposite sex, i deteriate to an unsure, and insecure man, rather then the infalable me that i am normally. And only when i genuinly like a girl. Argh..

So in conclusion wtf should i do. I know the majority of the readers of my LJ are females so please advice is requested if youve got any ^_^

Kenny (who i really am)
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